Friday, December 12, 2014

Who eats poop???

So we have an Elf on the Shelf ... his name is Mr. Ed.  We had him ... well before these little creatures took over the internet ... and peoples homes.

When we brought our Elf on the Shelf into our home ... Harleigh ... my middle daughter ... who was 5 at the time ...  was absolutely terrified of it.  TERRIFIED!!!  Like ... refused to sleep in her own room for 3 weeks after Christmas ... terrified.

Then ... they got a little bit older ... and realized that the elf was not gonna kill them in their sleep.  So I decided to attempt it again.  Only problem was ... I had no idea where I hid our original one ... all I could remember was that my husband told our middle daughter that he sent that elf back to the North Pole to live there for good.  It was either that ... or she was going to be a permanent fixture in our bed till she moved out for college.

I just happened to find this cute little "off brand" $4 one at Hobby Lobby and attempted to bring our elf back into our Christmas routine.

It worked.

Mr. Ed has been apart of our lives for 4 years now.

99% of the time ... I don't even remember to move Mr, Ed ... until AFTER I am all comfy in bed and moments before I fall asleep.

But ... a few days ago ... Mr. Ed did not return after his weekend back at the North Pole.

You see ... Mr. Ed is one of the most important elves at the North Pole ... so he travels back to the North Pole every Friday and does not return till Monday morning so I get a break from coming up with something clever for the little shit to do.

Except this last Monday ... he did not return.  Instead ... his girlfriend, Vicky (who is hoping that Mr. Ed proposes on New Years Eve) left a letter for us.

The letter said:

Dear Breeanna, Harleigh and Eythen:

Mr, Ed will not be coming back Monday morning.  Santa needed help with cleaning up the reindeer poop.  Mr. Ed volunteered to help out and take over poop duty for the big guy.  He likes the over time pay elves get for shoveling poop.  He promises to be back on Tuesday.  He even said he would bring you back some reindeer poop to eat.  Yummy!!!

Much Love:
Vicky
Mr. Ed's one true love

Needless to say ... I was frantically unwrapping Hershey kisses at 5am on Tuesday morning ... because I forgot all about our elf returning.

The reindeer poop was placed in a bucket ... with Mr. Ed sitting right on top ... just in time for my son to wake up for the day.

That day after school this was the conversation I had with my son.

*takes one of the Hershey kisses reindeer poop and eats it*

Eythen:  This reindeer poop sure is good.

Me:  I am pretty sure it is chocolate, Eythen.

Eythen:  No.  I don't think so.  I think it is some kind of magical reindeer poop that taste really good.

Me:  Yeah ... still think it is chocolate.

Eythen:  I really don't think that is it.


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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Who me???



Look ... over there!!!

On the right hand side of my page!!!

I got awarded a new award!!!

I got awarded the Top 115 Parenting Blog award!!!

It's a real thing ... I think.

At least Google says it is real ... and Google knows EVERYTHING.  Shoot ... Google knew that the medical diagnosis that I was trying to find ... was NOT a normal cold.  Oh no!!!  I guess it was actually a rare disease ... that only 1 in 508403785430 people get.  Google also knew that I was NOT trying to find things about Monkeys ... but instead I was actually trying to find things about Monks that shave their heads.  Google is smart like that!!!

None the less ... they sent me a cool badge that I could put on my blog ... so that makes it legit.

Totally. Legit.

I guess people really read this darn thing.

Huh ... who would have thought?!?!?!


 
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Thursday, November 20, 2014

Someone catch me if I fall ...


I would just like to fill you in on how my Monday morning at the gym went ...

*  pull up to gym and stare at the gym door

*  debate about turning around and coming home because it is so cold outside

*  do not wanna have to these adorable Senior Citizens ... whom are power walking up to the gym doors think that I am a "wuss"

*  whimper a little bit as the cold air hits me the second I open up my Navigator doors

*  think to myself that being called a "wuss" is not such a bad thing

*  open up gym doors and drag myself inside

*  immediately see a cute little girl in a sports bra and booty shorts ... laying on the floor working out her extremely flat ... never had a baby in her tummy before ... not a single stretch mark in sight ... tan as can be considering summer was months ago ... tight abs

*  call her a bitch under my breath

*  walk past skinny little bitch laying on floor and secretly wanna trip over her

*  get on ellipitical machine

*  nearly fall off ellipitical machine while trying to put my ear phones on

*  looking around to make sure skinny little bitch ... who is now doing lunges across the floor ... did not see me nearly take a nose dive off the ellipitical machine

*  working up a sweat

*  certain I have been on eliptical for at least 45 minutes

*  nope ... a minute and a half

fuck

*  debate with myself if 2 minutes is a good warm up

*  skinny little bitch is still doing lunges across the floor

*  pretty sure I am about to have a heart attack if I do not get off the eliptical machine

*  legs feel like jello

*  debate on sticking foot out to "accidentally" trip skinny little bitch in her sports bra and booty shorts who is now jump roping

*  must do leg workout ... but not sure if my limp legs can even comprehend what they are suppose to do

*  owie

*  oh shit that hurts

*  attention ... anyone ... EXCEPT skinny bitch ... catch me if I fall ... my legs are noodles

*  skinny little bitch leaves just in time for me to be able to do my lunges across the gym

*  my lunges do not look nearly as pretty as hers did

*  debate with myself on if my butt looks big in the yoga pants I have on ... as I watch myself in the mirror doing lunges

*  yep ... my butt looks big

*  what was that noise???

*  oh crap!!!  my stomach is growling

*  not a good time for my body to be making noises

*  good thing skinny little bitch is no longer here to hear my bodily noises

*  start to think about what I am gonna have for lunch as I go across the floor ... with my legs feeling like jello ... trying to do the lunges ... with my big butt following me

*  a cheeseburger sure does sound good

*  great ... now I am thirsty

*  i wonder if there is a pop machine around here

*  oh yeah ... no sugar ... fucking stupid diabetes

*  nope ... just a stupid germy water fountain

shit GROSS

*  cardio done ... legs done ... now onto the abs

*  young muscular guy enters gym

*  young muscular guy thinks everyone is checking him out

*  young muscular guy ... who thinks he is the bomb ... is already annoying me

*  young muscular guy ... lifting weights ... over by the area ... I need to be at to do my ab workout

fuck

* young muscular guy ... now taking a selfie ... in the mirror ... while flexing

* I might have possibly just thrown up in my mouth a little bit.  Not exactly sure if it is from working out ... or the annoying muscular guy thinking he is all that and a bag of chips

* oh chips!!!  that sounds amazing right now!!!

*  standing in the middle of the gym like a lost little girl because I do not wanna take my big butt in yoga pants ... over to the same area as young muscular guy ... and his young muscular friend who just joined him ... are currently still taking selfies in the mirror

*  pretending like I am stretching in hopes they leave the area

*  secretly hoping they drop a dumbbell on their toe as they admire themselves in the mirror ... as they do their arm workout

*  screw this ... I will just take my yoga pant wearing ... 3 baby having ... junk in the trunk behind ... no makeup on ... oversized sweatshirt ... really wanting a Dr. Pepper ... home and do my ab work out infront of the cat and dog

*  begin to wonder if the cat and dog secretly laugh at me

*  quickly saying a prayer that I do not fall ... due to my jello legs ... as I walk across the gym floor

*  debate on which gym I would switch to if I did fall face first on the gym floor

*  whimper slightly as the cold air hits me once I open the gym doors

*  curl up around my steering wheel while my back hurts from shaking so hard because my Navigator is freezing cold

Just wait till you hear about my workout on Wednesday ... it was arm day ... and the gym was full of Senior Citizens.

Note to self:  Come to the gym when I am the only one there.  Perhaps 1 a.m. is a good time?!?!?

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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

God put good people in my life ...



My husband has been out of town working ... for 11 months ... out of the past 15 months.

YES ... you read that right.

My husband is a proud Pipefitter for the Union ... and travels a lot for his job.

It sucks.

Sucks big time.

But at the same time ... I feel HORRIBLE even complaining venting fucking loosing my mind  stating the factor ... because there are MILLIONS of single parents doing it day in and day out.

GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!

AND they are working 40 or more hours a week.

If not multiple jobs.

There are military families ... that their spouse is away protecting our country ... and they are at home holding down the fort ... Every. Single. Day.

So I feel silly even having a mental break down pitty party every now and then ... for myself.

But ... I do have my moments ... and I normally hide in the bathroom and cry.

Then I feel all better after I drink a bottle of wine.

Let me just say ... the kids and I eventually got into our own little "groove" ... but  my groove seems to involve wine more and more often lately.

At this point in time ... cereal counts as a full course meal.

If you have showered at least twice in a 7 day time span ... that is an accomplishment.

If you ring my doorbell ... chances are I am not gonna answer my door ... because I can not clear out a path quickly enough ... to open the door for you.

Dirty socks are completely acceptable to wear.

Vacuuming ... what is the fucking point???

Sometimes ... just simply getting the clothes out of the washer ... and into the dryer ... BEFORE mildew sets in ... is an accomplishment for me.

Shoot ... combing my hair BEFORE I walk out the door in the morning ... is a MAJOR accomplishment for me.

The Moms that cook all healthy with organic foods ... well ... congratulations.  I guess. Shit ... I am lucky if my kids get the bananas ate ... BEFORE they are a solid black mushy mess.

I have learned how to plunge a toilet ... because my son is a pooping machine.

Most importantly ... I have realized how UNBELIEVABLY blessed I am when it comes to the people God has put into our life.  I am NOT one that likes to ask for help.  I HATE asking for help ... because it makes me feel like a failure.  I mean ... they are my kids ... and if I can not manage their schedule ... then that makes me look like a screw up failure.

About 5 months ago ... I had a friend tell me ... that if she did not want to help ... then she would not offer.  And by me turning her down ... then I am not allowing her to be the kind of friend that she wants to be for me.  Those words have stuck with me.  It is true ... if people did not wanna help ... they would never offer ... and would just avoid the conversation all together.

So ... slowly but surely ... I have admitted defeat ... and began to ask for help.

I need to thank those of you that have feed my kids on the way to Vacation Bible School ... when I forgot to.

I need to thank my friends for simply checking in on me.

I need to thank my new neighbor that offered me her car ... when ours broke down.

I need to thank the amazing neighbors that have baked cookies and meals for me and the kids.

I need to thank our friends who came to get us ... when my SUV broke down.

I need to thank my bestfriend for letting me vent ... when I was having a mental breakdown ... even when she was going through something in her life as well,

I need to thank my sister for answering the phone whenever she sees my name on her caller id ... and just talking to me for hours ... just so I can have some adult conversation.

I need to thank the baseball coaches and parents ... that help Clint with his baseball team ... that did not judge me when I was way late a few minutes late for practice.  Shoot ... I need to thank them for helping me get Eythen to and from MANY of his baseball games ... because I could not be there.  And simply cheering him on for me ... just as if he was one of your own.

I need to thank the people that drove clear out to our house ... and helped me get Harleigh to school when she was on crutches the last week of school.

I need to thank the people that have also helped get Harleigh to and from her softball practice ... and basketball games through out this time.

I need to thank the parent that noticed Bree was lingering around at the dance studio ... and sat in the parking lot ... until they saw me pulling in.  You did not have to do that ... but you did ... and it was so very nice.  Plus ... those amazing Dance Moms that have helped me get Bree to and from the dance studio.

I need to thank my Mom and Dad.  I really do not even know where to start.  You seem to know when I need "rescued" and show up.  You drive up here ... in a drop of a hat ... when it feels like everything is going wrong.  You put a new lock on my back door so I feel safer.  You help me mop up the basement when it flooded ... and drag wet carpet up the stairs and out the door.  You took the kids to the movies ... and let me take a 2 hour nap.  You instantly came up when I realized I had a random mouse in the house ... and put traps up all over the place.  You had pizza delivered to the house on Clint's and my Anniversary ... because I was sad that I was not gonna see him.

I need to thank a friend who just happened to be over here ... when we discovered there was a mouse in one of the moving boxes.  Even though I screamed ... and jumped ontop of the counter ... and we were laughing so hard we had tears falling down our face ... she still got the darn mouse out of the house.

I need to thank the friend who left 2 bottles of wine at my front door.  I think I like you the best  *wink*

Originally ... the hubby was suppose to be home in October.  Then it got moved to November.  Then we heard December 15th ... now we are back to the unknown.  He has been working 7 days a week ... 12 hour days ... FOR THE NIGHT SHIFT!!!  This man is my hero.  I do not know ANYONE that could continue to do what he has done for months up end.  He is truly an amazing person. 

Not many people would drive all the way home ... when he should be sleeping ... to help me with a leaking pipe.

Not many people would drive all the way home ... when he should be sleeping ... just to spend 30 minutes with his son up at the school for breakfast.

Not many people would drive all the way home ... when he should be sleeping ... to help me get my broke down SUV up to the mechanic shop.

Not many people ... are as hard working as my husband ... and I love him more than words could EVER describe.

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Saturday, October 25, 2014

I'm BAAAAACK!!!



Well ... it has been a little over two years since I have last blogged.

Two. Freaking. Years.

I have not logged on, checked my comments, read my emails, looked at my traffic history (shit ... I still have over 200 people a day looking at my blog ... uhhh ... what are you people even looking at???), thought about a new blog post or even kept track of my password to log on here.

So why am I suddenly blogging???

I have not the slightest clue.

All I know is ... it is 3:30 in the FREAKING MORNING ... and my alarm is set to go off in TWO FLIPPING HOURS.  I have nothing to watch on the DVR.  Infomercials just make me wanna spend money.  My husband is working 3 hours away.  I am not about to start cleaning at this hour.  My children look like angels sleeping ... so I am not about to wake them ... only for them to turn into little terrors.  So ... that just leaves ... blogging.

Why have I not blogged in over two years???

Well ... I thought you would never ask ...

Because some gross DOUSCH BAGS thought they needed to leave detailed comments on my blog ... on what they wanted to do to my daughters.

Yeah ... pretty sure my husband would have ran them over with a truck ... and then backed up ... and do it all over again ... when I showed him the comments being left. 

I honestly ... stopped blogging right then and there.

Who the hell do these idiots think they are???  Blogging was my escape ... because lord knows therapy is not in our budget.  Blogging was the way I kept all of my memories.  Blogging was my way of saying everything ... that other Mom thought ... but never admitted to.  Blogging was ... well ... it was something I did.  For me.  So screw you ... gross guy ... sitting at the computer ... with a stained white tshirt ... beer belly ... has not showered in days.

I am taking my blog back!!!

So to all of my followers ... thanks for the continued support.

And I will chat with you soon ... shoot ... I have TWO YEARS of stories to share.


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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Move over Wendy's ... my Frosty is just as good!!!

I LOVE Frosty's from Wendy's.

LOVE THEM!!!

Pretty sure I ate one daily when I was pregnant with Breeanna.

They are SO GOOD!!!

Which is why when I discovered a recipe for a homemade version of a Wendy's Frosty ...

I. Was. In.




1/2 gallon of chocolate milk

1 can of Sweetened Condensed Milk

1 container of whipped topping

Put in your ice cream maker ...

And PRESTO!!!

Yummy chocolate goodness!!!

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Sunday, August 26, 2012

Happy Birthday to my favorite 35 year old!!!

This year instead of getting Clint a delicious yummy straight to my ass chocolate cake ...

I decided to go a different route ...

Happy Birthday Clint!!!


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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Useful information ...

Can't remember which side of the car your gas tank is on???

Look at your gas gauge.

Most cars have a small arrow pointing to the side that the tank is located.

Having one car ...

A SUV ...

And a turck ...

I can neve remember which side it which.



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Sunday, August 12, 2012

Such is my life ...

When something funny or outrageous happens in my life ...

Which lets face it ... is all the time ...

I think to myself ...

Why the heck don't I have my own television show by now???

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Friday, July 6, 2012

Dear Clint:

I know it is hard to believe that I am right 98% of the time ... but that just goes to show you how truely awesome of a wife you married.

The other 2% of the time is normally involving something that has to do with Math or anything related to football.

Love: The one that does your laundry


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Thursday, June 28, 2012

H.O.T. ...

You know it is to flippin hot outside ...

When even the ice cream truck melts!!!


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Another reason ...

Reason #4593 that Clint and I were meant to be together:

If you have someone in your life ... who laughs at the same crap you do ... no matter how messed up it may be.

They are your solemate.




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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

This is so my life ...




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Saturday, June 23, 2012

Bring on the next party ...

Everyone has seen a sock monkey before.

Many of us probably had one as a child.

BUT ... have you seen a Wine Monkey before???

No?!?!?!

What the hell people!!!

Get with the times homies!!!

I am SO taking this to the next party Clint and I are invited to.

I will be the coolest cat on the block walking in with a sock monkey wine holder.

Either that ...

Or I will not be invited back for the next social gathering.

Either way ...

I will make a freaking statement!


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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A day in my life ...



And yes ... when I got up the next morning ... the bug was gone.

Thanks Clint!!!

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Saturday, June 16, 2012

No need to ever question it ... I have video to prove my life is nuts ...

It is offical.

My children are weird.

I am not sure if Harleigh is the ring leader of all this weird-ness.

Or Breeanna is because she is the one recording this video on her phone ... sideways.

OR Eythen ... because he is looking dazed and confused in the background as Harleigh tries to rally Donald Duck to the nearest gas station.


video


SEE!!!

I told you!!!

My children are weird.

Plain.

And.

Simple.

What makes it even worse.  This was taken during a trip back to my parents house.  So my three weirdos amazing children were in the backseat making these odd annoying noises ... all the while ... my Mom and Dad are stuck in the car with them for two LONG hours.

I am apologizing now Mom and Dad ...

For any future videos ...

Duck calls ...

Farting noises ...

Singing at the top of their lungs ...

During any LONG ASS car rides back to Grammy J and Papa Gene's house.

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Friday, June 15, 2012

Will you marry me ...

I am TOTALLY OBSESSED with this marriage proposal that I found while reading other people's blogs ...

Which lead me to clicking on random links to other websites...

Which lead me to this most amamzing video EVER!!!

AKA:  Before I realized it 4 hours of my life had disappeared all the while I was "surfing the net" ...

I mean ...

I am ...

SERIOUSLY ...

OBSESSED!!!

I was a sobbing mess two seconds into the video.

On a side note ... Clint ... the next time you propose to me (doesn't every marriage have multiple proposals???) I want you to get all of our friends together to dance for me. OH!!!  And of course get a marching band.  It really should not be that hard.

XOXOXO

Click on this link here to watch the video of the best proposal of all time.  Grab a kleenex before you click on the link though.  Don't say I did not warn ya.

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Happy Father's Day ...

With Father's Day just around the corner ...

I wanted to help all of you Mom's out ...

In helping find the "perfect" gift for the hubs.

So here is a "variety" of options for you.

1.  Unfortunately ... as much as I would like to say that this is a total "gag gift" ... my husband would be trying to rock the shit out of this every time I asked him to grill some hamburgers.  For a small price of $19.99 your hubby could be just as cool as mine.


2.  Now come on ladies ... you know you wanna see your hubby in the bedroom with Beef Jerkey Undies on.  *crickets*  Oh ... ummm ... yeah ... me neither.
3.  This is perfect for the hubby that likes to drink his beer ... look so darn cool ... and never have to leave the couch the entire evening.  It is definately an up and coming fashion trend for the Fall Fashion line ... no doubt about it.  You can have your hubby looking ubber-sexy with a beer belly for a low price of $29.99.


4.  For all those Dad's that just LOVE to grill ... how about a weenie roaster?!?!?!


or ...


On second thought ... this is probably not the best gift for a 6 year old to hand over to Daddy.

Moving on ...

5.  If you have a football lovin .. beer drinking ... wanna keep a cold one in the sweathirt type of guy ... then THIS is the PERFECT Father's Day gift for your husband.



Well .. there you have it.  A few items to choose from to help make Father's Day 2012 the most memorable one for your better other half.

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Saturday, June 9, 2012

Yummy Yummy in my Tummy ...

SCORE!!!  Another recipe that was a hit in the Moore household!!!

My inner Martha Stewart is taking a bow.

SIMPLE!!!

QUICK!!!

YUMMY!!!

I can mix it up and then throw it in the oven while I get the girls to dance-while washing Eythen's baseball uniform-picking up dog poop-tripping on a pair of flip flops-while texting my husband to bring me home a case bottle of wine.

Then POOF!!!

Dinner is served!!!
Quick Chicken Dinner

5 or 6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 pkg bacon

1 package of dried beef

2 cans cream of mushroom soup

16 oz Sour Cream

Spray pan with cooking spray ... and arrange dried beef on bottom of dish.

Cut chicken breasts lengthwise chuncks.

Wrap each piece of chicken with a strip of uncooked bacon.

In separate bowl ... mix together soups and sour cream.

Arrange wrapped chicken on top of dried beef ... then pour cream mixture on top.

Cover with foil and bake at 275 degrees for 3 1/2 hours.

Remove foil the last 20 min or so.

Serve with a plate of white rice.

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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Like father ... like son ...



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*insert cricket sounds here*


Me:  I have a great idea on what we can do today kids!!!  Let's see how many naps we can take in one day!!! How does that sound?!??!?

*insert cricket sounds here*

Eythen: It sounds like I wanna go back to Grammy J and Papa Gene's house.
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Getting older obviously sucks ...

Me: Daddy has a big birthday coming up this year!  He is gonna be 35!

Breeanna: Holy cow!  That is so close to 40!  He is about to be an old man.

Eythen: Good thing you are only like 29 Mommy!

Me: Ummm. Two things. One ... Eythen, you are currently my favorite for the day. Two ... All I was meaning was that we needed to have a big party for him. Not admit him to a nursing home like Breeanna is suggesting.


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Monday, May 28, 2012

Who needs the GAP when you have a pair of scissors???

Every summer I go through my daughters drawers ...

And every summer I am stuck buying new tank tops and shorts because they are growing at the speed of light.

BUT ... their drawers are always full of t-shirts from previous activities they have done during the school year.

Basketball league shirts, volleyball league shirts, gymnastic shirts or dance academy shirts.  They seem to multiply every year in their drawers.  I sometimes wonder if they somehow got two shirts for the price of one with all of them that are crammed into their drawers.

So this summer ... I decided to put my Martha Stewart skills to use and come up with a way to get another use out of their t-shirts ...

That they will outgrow in no time flat ...

By making them "it is hot as hell outside" friendly!!!

I came up with a cute way to go from T-shirt to tank top in less than 5 minutes ...

First start off with a t-shirt ...
On a side note:
I have used t-shirts that are a bit to small ...
and a bit to big.
The ones that are a bit to big seem to work
just a wee bit better.

Cut the colar off of the t-shirt.
You can either cut right on the seam ...
or you can cut an inch or two below the seam.
Depending on how low you want the front to hang.
This one I cut right on the seam.

Next ... cut off the sleeves.
Again ... cut right along the seam.

Now comes the fun and cute part of the whole make-over.
Turn the t-shirt over and cut an "L" shape where the
sleeves "use" to be.
I have also cut the area in a "half circle" shape in
other t-shirts that I have done.

With the left over parts from the pieces that you have cut off ...
Cut 3 long skinny strings.
Let them "roll up" before you go any further.

Pull the back together with one of the rolled up strings.
You can do this in so many different ways
when it comes time to you tieing the two sides together.
Get creative!!!
I did this one by tieing many different knots
going up the back to secure it together.

You can even take some of the extra "pieces" and tie the shoulders together.
This one I tied many knots up and down the shoulder to match the
knots that I tied up the back of the shirt.
The options are endless on what you can do!!!

Perfection!!!
A cute new tanktop to add to the summer wardrobe pile ...
And I did not have to shell out $15 at the GAP for it!!!

Here is another option that I did ...
I braided the back together on this one.
Just a little something different than the knots.

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