I. Need. This.

Amazing!!!

Simply ... amazing!!!

Yep ... I defiately need one of these!!!  Clint ... incase you are reading this ... take a mental note for Christmas time.  Or our Anniversary.  Or a "just because I love you" gift.  Either way ... I want one.

I wonder if the wine is included???

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Are we in hell???

Seriously ... when is this heat gonna end???

I am officially OVER IT.

DUNZO!!!

For all of you people that were begging for summer to hurry up and get here when it was 4 degrees outside at 8:00 in the morning during all of February ... are you happy???  Are you happy?

For all of you that wanted to break out your flip flops because you were tired of shoveling all of those mounds of snow last winter ... are you happy?  Are you happy?  Thanks Clint for shoveling the driveway each and everytime it snowed last winter while I sat inside infront of the fireplace wrapped up in a blanket.

For all of you crazy ass people that could not wait to layout in the sun with your 2 piece bikini on because you were tired of the scarves, hats and coats ... are you happy now???  Are you happy?  Well ... are you?!?!?!

Personally ... I am ready for my hoodie sweatshirts ... sweatpants ... and Ugg boots.  Except Clint likes to call my Ugg's ... "FFugg's" ... *fucking fake ugg's*.

Don't get me wrong ... I enjoy a good summer tan while the kids wear themselves out while jumping in and out ... in and out ... in and out ... in and out of the pool all afternoon wrong.  But this 100 degree shit is hell.  No punt intended.

All I know is ... that the guy who invented the AC is one sexy inventor in my book.  He/she is way hotter than the guy/gal whom invented wine popsicles ... which I am not sure really exsist ... but they really should.  That is a money maker right there people.


 
Before you pass out from the heat ... click really fast on the link below to vote for my blog.  The quicker the better ... because I highly doubt you will remember once you wake back up from passing out to vote for my blog.

Holy hair batman ...

Does anyone need some extra hair???

I am pretty sure my daughter has some extra to spare.

Back the truck up home boy ... you did not vote for my blog yet.  Remember ... click on the link below and you just made my day!  Peace out.

Hot and Bothered ...

Someone once said that girls do not sweat ...they "glisten".

I am gonna call Bull Shit on that one!!!

While sitting at my son's football practice at 9:00 am this morning ... I was sweating in places I did not know I could sweat in.

This 100+ degree weather is for the birds!!!

My AC bill is tripling as I type ... literally.

So I have came up with some great solutions to help beat this darn heat!



Who wants to stay cool ... while looking cool?!?!?
Me!!! DUH!!!
I am positive that the kids would not mind at all if I picked
them up from school sportin this hot contraption!!!



Leaving everything behind ... and moving to Alaska to live in an igloo.
At least I would not have an AC bill that is $450!!!
Yes ... you read right!!!
Our AC bill was $450 this past month.

Cooling foam ... in a can???
Yeah ... uhhh ...
Susposedly you spray it on your arm ... it turns to foam ...
and it instantly cools you down.
Perhaps the person whom invented this sniffed the fumes from the
spray can a wee-bit to much?!?!?!

The ever famous ... personal ... hand held mister.

Of COURSE laying in the pool to catch some rays are ALWAYS an option.

The hotter it gets ... the less clothing people wear.
Oh lordy!!!  If I ever saw a guy walking down the beach in this ...
he better be built like He-Man ... and not like an Oompa-Loompa.
Just sayin ...

An always fashionable cooling vest.

Ok ... so I saved the BEST for last!!!
Hold onto your ta-ta's ladies ...
This is a bikini top that can be filled with drinkingable water.
Yes ... you read right ... water.
You know ... so when you are at the pool with your children ...
and one of them get thirsty ... you can bust out a straw ... hook it to your top ...
and save $1.00 at the consession stand.

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I want a lounge chair ...

*  look at clock and realize the pool opens in 20 minutes

* slightly panic because if you want a chair to lay out in in this town ... you have to be standing in line 15 minutes before pool opens.

* tell kids to get swimming suits on

* inform them that if Mommy does not get a chair she will not be a happy camper laying on the cement

* dig beach towels out of dryer

* attempt to cram 4 beach towels into beach bag

* cussing under breath because towels will not fit in beach bag ... due to 3 pairs of goggles, 5 tubes of chap stick, 3 swimsuit cover ups, diving sticks, 3 pairs of sunglasses, hair brush, sunscreen and baby oil

* get frustrated and decide kids can just carry their towels

* realize my 4 bottles of water are not in my bag yet

* go to kitchen to get water bottles from the freezer

* get sidetraked when panic over takes me when I notice that there is only 17 minutes till the pool opens.

* scream at kids to hurry up

 * realize I forgot to pick up the kitchen after lunch

* debate with self if it is more important to leave immediately to score a chair at the pool or pick up lunch so Clint does not have to see it when he walks in the door after getting off of work

* chair wins

* shove the kids out the door

* everyone wines as the 196 degree weather slaps us all in the face

* try to open car door ... but it is so darn hot I can hardly touch it

* Eythen starts to complain that his feet are to hot as I am trying to open the car door

* look down and notice that Eythen does not have shoes on

* Really???

* tell Eythen to go get shoes on his feet

* finally get everyone in the car

* everyone starts to scream for me to turn on the AC

* AC only blows out hot air

* everyone wines that the AC is not cooling them down fast enough

* reach for 1 of my water bottles to take a sip of water

* Shit!!!

* forgot the water bottles

* run back inside to get my frozen water bottles

* convince myself that every other stay at home Mom in town is gonna get the chairs before I can even pull out of my driveway

* finally pull out of the drive way with 10 minutes to go before the pool opens

* notice that the line is clear out to the street when we pull into the pool parking lot

* instruct Breeanna and Harleigh to take off and dart through the line to grab me a chair ... once the pool opens

* listen to Eythen ask me "How much longer till the pool opens" every 30 seconds ... for the next 5 minutes

* attempt to count how many people may be wanting a lounge chair that are standing in line in front of me

* debate about writing an letter to the City demanding they buy more lounge chairs for next summer

* pretend like I do not hear Eythen ask me for the 18th time "How much longer till the pool opens?"

* pretend like I do not hear Harlegh inform me that Eythen just asked me "How much longer till the pool opens?"

* pool opens and I yell "GO" to Breeanna and Harleigh ... while frantically pointing my finger at the lounge chair area

* realize I might have sounded like I was at a track meet and I was in charge of starting the race when yelling "GO" ... a moment ago

* Breeanna gives me a thumbs up as I am still standing in line to enter the pool

* *sigh of relief*  Momma's got a lounge chair

* the girls are MIA by the time I reach by beloved lounge chair 

* lay beach towels on lounge chair

* wind blows one beach towel off

* chase beach towel down

* tuck beach towel into grooves of chair

* watch Eythen hop on the hot cement like a bunny on crack trying to get to the water

* wonder how Harleigh already made it down the slide 3 times before I could even bust out the sunscreen

* CRAP!  SUNSCREEN!

* sunscreen on wet children ... not gonna happen

* make mental note to self to buy some of the sunscreen that you can put on wet skin the next time I am at the store

* grab water bottle because I am so hot and thirsty

* tip back water bottle to take a drink

* one itty bitty dribble of ice cold water comes out of the bottle

* make mental note to lay out frozen water bottles earlier next time

* lay down in lounge chair

* 2 minutes later ... sweating in places I did not know could sweat

* get up to go and sit in the pool

* 2 hours later ... get out of the pool

* 20 minutes later finally get all 3 children rounded up

* get to lounge chair ... and already lost 1 children along the way

* spot Eythen jumping in off the side of pool

* see Eythen come up above water with a shit eatin grin on his face

* give Eythen the "get your ass over here right now before Mommy looses it
 look

* pack up everything on the lounge chair ... that I did not even lay out in

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When I grow up I wanna be ...

When I grow up ... I wanna be a professional baseball player.

When I grow up ... I wanna be a cowboy.

When I grow up ... I wanna be a farmer.

When I grow up ... I wanna be Mario.

When I grow up ... I want a wife to take care of me.

When I grow up ... I want to be just like Batman.



When I grow up ... I want to drive tractors.

When I grow up ... I just wanna wear the Spiderman mask.
Still not sure about the rest of the suit though.

When I grow up ... I wanna be a diver for the olympic team.

When I grow up ... I will get revenge on my sisters for dressing me up in this.

When I grow up ... I want to play professional football.

When I grow up ... I wanna be just like Spiderman.



When I grow up ... I want to be the Naked Cowboy in New York City.

When I grow up ... I want to be just like my Daddy.

When I grow up ... I want to have a Home Depot credit card ...
So I can get all the "big boy toys" that I want.

When I grow up ... I want to be a lego building, football hemet wearin,
Spiderman suit dressin kind of guy ...

When I grow up ... I want to take over
Sir-Top-In-Hat's job ...
once her retires.

When I grow up ... I want to drive a train.

When I grow up matey ... I want to be a pirate.
Arrrr ...

When I grow up ... I want to build my Mommy and Daddy a mansion to live in.

When I grow up ... I want to drive a "Big Wheel" just like Papa Gene.

When I grow up ... I want to be Santa Claus.

When I grow up ... I wanna be a ladies man.

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As a parent ...

... it is my goal in life to raise my children well enough to afford all of the counseling they will most likely need in their future years.

Mommy use to be hot ...

I am a Mommy of 3 ... in my 30's ... and there are things happening to this body ... that I am not even sure Botox or Plastic Surgery will fix.

*  I am pretty sure my bladder is the size of Smurfette.

*  "Back fat" ... what the hell is this stuff and why isn't there a gurdle to cover it up.

*  My amazing perky 25 year old boobs went south for the winter ... and never come back

*  "Fine lines"???  What are these things???  They are more like canyons that are swallowing my face whole.

*  Metabolism ... G.O.N.E.

*  I think I am gonna start carrying post it notes with me at all times ... because I can never remember why the hell I walked into the kitchen.

*  Sneezing = Possibly peeing your pants just slightly.  What the hell is gonna happen to me when I am 80???

*  Grey hair???  What grey hair???  I go to the salon so often so that I never have to know when I get my first grey hair.

*  No one ever warned me that lack of sleep would form these huge bags under my eyes.  Actually ... they are not bags ... I have a full set of luggage under my eyes ... and it is enough for the Duggar Family (how many kids are they up to now???  18???  19???) to travel to Brazil for a month.

*  My ever so lovely ... "Muffin Top".  I have convinced myself that my husband thinks it is sexy when he wraps his arms around it.

*  Which leads me to the stretch marks that my 3 children blessed me with ... as a permanet reminder that I carried them for 9 months.  Yes ... I am pretty sure my husband finds my "skin decorations" just as sexy as the "muffin top".

*  I would really like to bitch slap myself  "back in the day" when I thought tanning beds were so darn amazing.  Now I am buying every type of face cream to try to reverse the fact that I layed in a microwave in my college years.

*  Things jiggle ... that sure did not jiggle when I was young, hot, fit and had amazing perky boobs.

*  Why am I suddenly squinting?  Didn't I have 20/20 vision the last time I got my eyes checked.  Which was only a few years ago ... or maybe 10 ... perhaps 15 years ago???  Note to self:  Make appointment to get eyes checked out.  Scratch that ... where are my post it notes???  I will forget it by the time I walk into the kitchen if I do not write this shit down.

*  If the lights are off ... and there is not an ounce of sunlight coming through a window ... and there is a small mirror in front of me ... I don't look half bad.  And if I turn just right ... and squint my eyes ... arch my back ... tilt my head ... I almost look like the hot girl my husband married nearly 11 years ago.

*  What exactly is happening to my bicep???  Why is it hanging down and jiggling???  When exactly did I sprout wings???

*  I realized if I walked around with my eyebrows raised ... my eyelids do not do that droppy thing.  So it is either have droppy eyelids ... or walk around looking surprised all the time.  I think I will go with the surprised look.

*  "Sucking it in" ... screw it ... it takes to much effort.

*  Since when do I get drunk off of 2 glasses of wine?  In my 20's I could down 4 bottles and still be standing.  Now ... 2 glasses later ... Clint is taking advantage of me.

I promise you kids ... Mommy use to be hot.

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Monday Funday ...

What do you do when it is 100 degrees outside with a heat index of hell?!?!?


You have 3 kids crack in egg in a pan ...


And you try to fry it.

Anyone wanna come to our house for breakfast?!?!?

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Slumber Party at the Moore house ...

Saturday nights use to consist of drinking ourselves stupid ...

Dancing at the bar till it closed down ...

And 3am runs to Taco Bell.

Now it consist of slumber parties in the living room ...

Up all night watching Disney movies ...

And eating cookies at midnight.

Perfect. Saturday. Night.

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Life lessons ...

Remember how I claimed in a previous blog post that 2011 was gonna be "Clint's and my year" ... well ... I must have calculated wrong.

Perhaps 2012 will be our year?!?!?!

2013?!?!

Anyways ... I am CERTAIN I have learned some valuable knowledge!!!

YEP!!!

CERTAIN. OF. IT.

So ... I am dedicating this blog post to some of the very valuable Life Lessons that Clint and I have experienced over these past few years.

So hold on tight ... this might be a bumpy ride ...

1.  Your life is a book that is written in pen.  So ... unfortunately you cannot change it ... but you can look back and learn from it.

2.  Clint and I have read the rules.  We have followed the rules. The rules are stupid.   So fuck screw the rules.

3. Never give up on a dream even if others do not encourage it.  You have the dream and the desire of it for a reason.  Follow your heart and you can not go wrong.

4. My checking account always says that we have money ... but then the bills laugh and say "Now you don't".

5.  Sometimes it is not enough to turn a page in life ... you also have to tear that bad boy up and burn the pieces.

6.  We learn something from every single person that comes into our lives ... whether it is good or bad.   It is what we do with it ... that really makes a difference.

7.  Sometimes it feels like the world is falling apart ... and no one can fix it.

8.  On payday ... Clint gets a piece of paper showing how hard he worked ... and everyone else gets his hard earned money.  Stupid bills

9.  Life is always gonna throw crap at you.  You can either stand there and get covered ... duck and move on ...or pick it up and throw it back and the bitches.

10.  Sometimes the hardest thing in life ... is saying that you are ok.

11.  It has been said that "money can't buy you happiness".  BUT ... Clint and I are MORE than willing to be the guinea pig for testing to see if it is true!!!

12.  Ever have one of those moments when you stop, breathe in, realize that it is all going to be okay ... and smile?!?!?  Me too!!!

13.  What almost destroyed me yesterday ... makes me stronger today.

14.  My house is always clean when no one comes by.

15.  When a husband is holding his wifes hand a they walk through the mall ... it is not to be romantic ... it is pure economics.

16.  Do not go through life thinking ... what if.  Go through life thinking ... remember when.

17.  Never regret anything from your past ... because at one point in time ... it was exactly what you wanted to do.

18.  Therapy is expensive ... wine is not.

19.  No matter what life places at your feet ... there is no situation that cannot be resolved with good friends and some alcohol.

20.  God never gives you more than you can handle.  AMEN!!!

The most important thing that my amazing hubby and I have learned as these damn darn lemons keep getting pelleted at our heads ... is that we can not control the world ...but we can control how we deal with it.

That is why we are making lemonade out of the lemons ... and adding alot of fucking tequila!

Cheers!

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How much sand???

So ... my parents decided to buy the kids a sandbox.

Just what every Mommy wants!!!  3 little sets of sand filled feet tracking itty bitty specs of sand through her house.

But Clint thought it would be a better idea if he built one ...

And when I say that he decided to "build one" ...

I meant he decided to build one the size of the Grand Canyon.

Clint never does ANYTHING half ass ...

According to Clint ...

You Go BIG or GO HOME!!!

On the flip side of "GOING BIG" ...

When we move out of this rental that we are in right now ...

Guess what has to go with us ...

One bucket ...

At ...

A ...

Time ...

On a side note:  I would just like to point out that I had nothing to do with the sandbox ... so therefore ... I should not have to transport the ga-zillion pounds of sand to a new location.  Just sayin.

In case you are wondering how many bags of sand it takes to fill the Grand Canyon sand box that my husband designed ...

We are still not sure.

I can tell you that 40 bags ...

Is not the answer.