26 things to expect when having a son ...

My little man is the BIG SEVEN TODAY!!!

I know EVERYONE says it ... but it really does seem like yesterday that he was born.

It really feels like I blinked ... and he was no longer a baby.

*tear fall*

So ... as I sit here and look back on the last seven years of me being a Mommy to a little guy ... it has made me realize that he has taught me SO much through out the years.  I thought I would share some of this very important information to all of you ...

1.  ALWAYS check your son's pockets for rocks ... small action figures ... or bugs BEFORE you do his laundry.

2.  Speaking of action figures ... they hurt REALLY bad when you step on them in the middle of the night.

3.  Forget about trying to remember all the names to the Thomas the Train "people" ... there are WAY to many.  BUT ... rest assure that your son will know EVERY single one of their names.

4.  Transformers SUCK at trying to "transform".

5.  G.I. Joe's are NOT Barbie dolls.

6.  Little boys are ALWAYS hungry ... EVEN IF they just ate 8 chicken nuggets and a medium fry from McDonald's.  They will STILL ask for ice cream or half of your hamburger on the way out the door.

7.  Boys are a never ending bundle of energy.  Even at midnight ... they will still ask you to play a Wii game with them.

8.  Oreo cookies ... forget about them lasting more than 24 hours in your household if your son knows that they are in the cabinet.

9.  When it comes to your son brushing their teeth ... you MUST remind them to put toothpaste ON the toothbrush.  If you fail to do this ... then it is YOUR fault if they choose to just brush their teeth with water.

10.  When you see the cat soaking wet ... rest assure that your son most likely tried to give it a bath in the toilet.

11.  Speaking of the toilet ... your son WILL have his hands and feet IN THE TOILET at some point in time.  Promise.

12.  Jeans WILL have holes in the knees ... when it comes to your son's jeans.  EVEN IF you just bought them a pair of $40 jeans 2 weeks prior.

13.  Nerf guns will become a permanet ficture in your living room.

14.  Fruit chews are considered a fruit in your son's eyes.

15.  Your son would be able to live off of chicken nuggets if you allowed him to attempt it.

16.  When it comes to the sand box and your son ... you will have more sand IN your house eventually ... than IN the sandbox.  You might as well check his pockets for sand as well ... when it comes to doing his laundry.

17.  Speaking of his laundry ... forget about him having matching pairs of socks.  Boys loose socks.  Period.  And if you ask them where they put all of their socks ... you will get the same answer every time ... "I don't know".

18.  When you ask your son to pick up his room ... rest assure that you WILL find dirty clothes in their dresser.  You WILL find Wii remotes in their book shelf.  You WILL find  tractors, hot wheels and trains UNDER their covers.  You WILL find food wrappers hidden behind the TV stand.  You WILL find shoes in the toy box.

19.  Your son WILL ruin a brand new outfit that you JUST cut the tags off of within 5 minutes of playing outside.

20.  If you are in your bedroom folding laundry ... and it is quiet down the hall ... something bad is going on.  One option could be ... oh I don't know ... perhaps your son coloring all over your living room walls, hallway and kitchen frig with a permanent marker.

21.  When buying a box of dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme ... ALWAYS ... I repeat ALWAYS put them up IN a cabinet.  DO NOT leave them ON the cabinet ... in arms reach ... for your son.  Otherwise it is YOUR FAULT if he eats a bite out of every single donut.

22.  Stains will magically appear on your son's bedroom carpet ... and he will plead the 5th to having food or juice in his room.

23.  Even if you daughters have not ONCE got a warning in school for talking or misbehaving in class ... your son WILL.  Most likely it will happen often in kindergarten.  He might even set the school record for having the most "yellow days" (yellow days are "warnings" at my kiddos school).

24.  Get use to ER bills and emergency trips to Wal-Greens when it comes to having a boy in your house.  Boys have more bumps, bruises, scraps, cuts, burns and injured body parts than known to man kind.

25.  A jump rope can be used for NUMEROUS things when looked at through your son's eyes.  He can tie it to the back of his bike ... he can tie it around his sisters neck ... he can attempt to climb a swing set with it ... he can try to use it as a dog leash when he is suspose to take the dog for a walk ... he can leave it laying out in the garage and you can trip over it ... he can use it as a lasso.

26. He can steal your heart from the moment that you lay eyes on him ... and your world will never be the same again. You will wonder what you ever did without him entertaining you and keeping you on your feet. Your heart will melt when he smiles at you. Being a Mommy to a little man ... is the best gift EVER!

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So long summer ...

So long Summer!!!

I can't say I will miss your extremly hot temperatures that you blessed us with this past summer ...

But I can say that I am SO thrilled that Fall is upon us!

FINALLY!!!

Woot!  Woot!

It is time to pack up the swimsuits  ... which I personally could not do fast enough!!!  Don't get me wrong ... I love going to the pool with my kids ... we live there in the summer.  But I just wish that wearing a tent over my swimsuit (perhaps a moo-moo) would work as a fashion icon ... instead of a fashion no-no.

It is time to turn off the AC ... and no longer cringe when the city bill arrives in the mail.  If you were anything like us ... we would literally hold our breath ... have a slight panic attack ... and scream when we saw the grand total.  Then plan our lunch and dinner menu's around hotdogs and mac-n-cheese in order to pay for the bill.

It is time to put away the flip flops ... and bring out the amazingly soft Ugg Boots.

It is time to pack up the tanktops and short shorts ... and bust out the oversized hoodie sweatshirts and sweatpants.  I live for this moment ... I truley LIVE for it.  Anything to cover up the stretch marks, belly flab, bat wings under my arms and pale white skin ... I am ALL over it!!!

Which leads me to the next thing ...

It is time for the tan lines to fade away ... and the pastey white dry skin to start to shining through.  Literally ... shine.  Like a neon becon in the sky ... shine through.

It is time for the puking flu to creep and linger in your house ... and the doctors bills to prove it.

It is time for the your house to start smelling like spices and cinnamon ... and no longer like sun tan lotion.

It is time for the leaves to start turning shades of red, orange and brown ... and no longer a "dead brownish green" color because the sun beat down on the trees ... all day long in 124 degree weather ... and killed it all off.

It is time for the Pumpkin Patches to open ... and the pee filled swimming pools to be drained and shut down.

It is time for cloudy cool days ... and no longer having panic attacks over tornado sirens going off.

It is time for the Mum Flowers to bloom ... and the dead tomato plants to be pulled up and tossed away.
We only got 1 stupid tomato off of our tomato plants this past summer.  No matter how much we watered those darn things ... they did not stand a chance in Satan's weather that we had this past summer.

It is time to start making huge pots of chilli ... and no longer serving BLT's for a quick and easy dinner.

It is time to start turning your porch light on at 5:00 ... and mourning the fact that the late night evenings of drinking wine on your back porch while the sun was starting to sit at 9:00pm are done and over with.

It is time for the "ahhh-choos" from the allergies to come in full swing ... and your checkbook to feel the effects of the weekly trips to Wal-Greens to pay for the allergy medicine.

It is time for the cool crisp morning air to arrive ... and the hot as hell-drippy with sweat-can't hardly breath summer air to back its bags and move on.

I just love Fall!!!

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How many flags?!?!?!

I first wanna start this blog post off by re-stating that I have NO flippin clue about football.

Nothing.

Na-Da.

Zill-cho.

What I do know is 2 things: 
1.  My husband is one hot football coach.
2.  Eythen plays center which means he snapps the ball back to the quarterback.

OH!  WAIT!  I know THREE things:
3.  Eythen can do the shot gun when it comes to snapping the ball back to the quarterback.
I have NO flipping clue what it "technically" means ... all I know is that it is a good accomplishment for a 6 year old.

Now that we have this established ... here is the conversation that happened last Friday evening in my household.

I had just put Eythen to bed and was crawling into my own bed when I heard Eythen giggling.  I paused for a second thinking maybe I was just hearing things ... nope!  There is Eythen giggling again.

I hop out of bed ... and glance down over the upstairs banister ... and I see Eythen sitting ontop of Clint ... who is laying on the couch.

HUH?!?!?!

Me:  Eythen!  What are you doing out of bed?

Clint:  I wanted to show him what his football postition looks like on TV during the football game that is on.

*Eythen has a shit eatin grin on his face as he looks up at me ... kind of like ... Haa Haa Mom ... I am not in bed ... type of grin.*

Me:  So ... you are telling me that football is more important than a good night rest?!?!?

Clint:  Yeah!  That is exactly what I am saying.

*I flash Clint a go to hell look*

Clint:  The kid needs to study up on his plays for tomorrow's game.

Me:  The kid is only 6!

Clint:  All the more reason that he needs to see what professional football players do.

Me:  Eythen ... what position do you play in football?

Eythen:  Ummmm ... I throw the ball to Kale.

Me:  What is your position called.

Eythen:  Ummm ... ask Dad ... he is the coach.

*I flash Clint a "I TOLD YOU SO" look*

*Clint rolls his eyes at me*

Clint:  Tomorrow Eythen ... let's see how many flags you can pull.

Eythen:  OK!  Do I get McDonald's no matter how many flags I pull?

*I mouth the words "You better get him McDonald's tomorrow even if he sucks big time at the game"*

*Clint rolls his eyes at me*

Me:  Ok Coach ... how many flags should Eythen pull in order to get McDonald's?

This was the point in time where I showed my true colors on not having a CLUE about football!!!

*I was about to announce that Eythen should get EIGHTEEN FLAGS*

*Clint holds up two fingers*

*I quickly bite my tongue and do not announce that I was about to say EIGHTEEN FLAGS*

Clint:  Eythen ... you have to pull 2 flags if you wanna eat at McDonald's tomorrow after the football game.

*I mouth the words "You better get my baby chicken nuggets NO MATTER WHAT"*

*Clint rolls his eyes at me*

Me:  Just a question ... but why only 2 flags?  If the Eythen pulls the flag on any stray kid wondering around aimlessly on the football field he should be able to get ... oh I don't know ... like ... 18 flags?!!?

*Clint rolls his eyes at me*

Clint:  Jill ... you only pull the flag from the kid that HAS the ball.  Not ANY kid on the football field.  What would be the point in that?

*I shrugg my shoulders ... turn around ... and walk back into my room*

Flash forward to the next morning ... which it is POORING down rain ... Clint is coaching ... Eythen is playing football ... Harleigh has a birthday party that she needs to get to so I miss out on becoming a drowned rat at the football game.

*phone rings*

Breeanna:  Mom!  It is Dad ... but all I can hear is him screaming on the other end!

Me:  What?!?!?  Give me the phone.

Clint had accidentally "butt dialed" our homeline ... so I sat there listening to the coaches "inside scoop".  Which by the way ... is SO much better than sitting on the sidelines not having a CLUE what is going on.

This is what I heard 96.89374% of the time on the other end of the phone ...

Clint:  YOU GET IN THERE!  I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU GOT TO DO!  YOU GET IN THERE!  PUSH YOUR WAY THROUGH!  THAT QUARTER BACK HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE IS DOING!  GET HIS FLAG!  YOU HEAR ME?  GET HIS FLAG IF YOU WANT MCDONALD'S!

Yeah ... I am guessing the samething ... he was talking to Eythen at that point in time as well.

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Another "what the heck" moment ...

I went to clean the kiddos shower this morning ...

And this is what I found.

I am pretty sure this is Breeanna's doing.

Her showers keep getting longer and longer ...

So I am guessing ... she is finding creative ways to make shampoo come out of the bottle.

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Steel?!?!?!

My 11th wedding anniversary is quickly approaching!!!  I can hardly believe it!!!  I feels amazing to be able to say that I have been married AND truely in love with Clint for ELEVEN years!!!

Come to find out ... after doing some google research ... steel is the "traditional" anniversary gift that you are suspose to give on your loved one on your 11th wedding aniversary.

Seriously?!?!?

Is this a horrible joke?!?!?!

Geeze!!!

Are you flippin kidding me?!?!?!

*sigh*

So ... in the spirit of following tradition ... I came up with some lame thoughtful 11th anniversary gift ideas for all you unromantic guys out there who are waiting to the last minute to buy a gift having a hard time finding a gift to show your wife that you wanna get layed love her.

The ever popular ... wrench.

That is a wrench ... right?!?!?!

What girl would not want a pin?!?!?!

ME!!!

A swiss army knife is ALWAYS a safe bet when it comes to 11 year wedding anniversaries!!!

A steel clock would come in handy, too!!!

That way she would know what time you would be coming home ...

So she could greet you at the door naked with a beer.

 OF COURSE ... you can NOT rule out steel brillo pads!!!

Nothing says love ... more than a reminder that

she has dirty dishes to clean up in the kitchen.

 If you wanna FOR SURE "get some" on your 11th

wedding anniversary evening ...

then you MUST get her a steel travel mug. 

It just SCREAMS sex!!!

 If you wanna go for more of the

"I will love you till the end of time"

approach ... then steel nails are the gift for

you to give your loved one. 

I PROMISE you ... that she will NEVER forget this stupid amazing gift.

 Personally ... Clint ... I will just settle for this little piece of steel. 

Nothing major.  Just a simple little bow put on top of this pretty piece of steel.

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The day Mommy lost it ...

I was reading a fellow Mommy bloggers post today ... and she was blogging about how she locked her keys in the car ... with her children in it.

*panic*

I laughed the whole way through her blog post ... because I could TOTALLY relate.

Yes ... unfortunately ... I locked my children in the car at one point in my Mommy experience as well.  Reading her blog post ... made me flash back to that instant moment that I completely lost it in the Old Navy parking lot. 

Completely. Lost. It.

I am CERTAIN that if there were security cameras in that parking lot ... at that time ... I would have been on the local news ... requesting anyone to call 911 if they had ever seen this psycho Mom on the loose.

Let me set up the scenerio for you.

It is a doozy.

I promise.

Breeanna was 6 ... Harleigh was 5 ... and Eythen was 3.  It was past dinner time.  It was getting dark and pretty cool outside.  AND my husband had been living THREE hours away for the past FOUR months ... for a job site that he was running ... AND we had only seen him 3 times in this duration of time span.

So ... as you can already see ... I was tired ... cranky ... hungry ... cold ... ready for it to be bed time for my 3 children ... needing a glass of wine ... and sex deprieved ... all at the sametime.

As we came out of the Old Navy parking lot ... I loaded up all 3 kids in their carseats ... put my purse in the front seat ... layed my keys in the console ... and started to get in the SUV while holding the Old Navy bags in my hand.

As I hopped into the front seat ... I suddenly realized that the girls bookbags were in the front seat ... so I decided that I was gonna put the Old Navy bags in the back end of the Sequoia.

I hopped out.

Locked the door.

Shut the door.

Went to the back of the SUV ... and began to hit my head on the backend of my Sequoia.

My. Keys. Were. In. The. Console.

My. Children. Were. Buckled. Up.

My. Husband. Was. Three. Hours. Away.

Shit.

I walked around to the backseat windows and tried peering in through the VERY dark tinted windows.

Whose brillant idea was it to tint these stupid windows?!?!?

I tried hand gestures ...

I tried crying ...

I tried screaming ...

At the kids through the dark ass windows.

Finally ... Breeanna unbuckled ... and I motioned her to the front seat.

Suddenly ... I turned into a crazed mime ... doing hand gestures ... trying to get Breeanna to hit the unlock button on the door handle.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

Mother F**ker!!!  Breeanna hit the panic button on the door handle ... not the unlock button!!!

Who the heck puts a panic button in a car?!?!?  Stupid car makers!!!

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

Breeanna takes off to the 3rd row seating of the car ... crying.

I walked around in a crazed circle for about 55 seconds ...

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

I might have even been possibly screaming to myself while pulling at my hair at this point in time ... but the world will never know for sure ... because there were no security cameras to catch this break down that I was going through.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

I walked back to the passenger side windows and began frantically hitting the windows ... begging for Breeanna to come back to the front seat.  I could barely see her through the tinted windows ... hiding in the third row seating.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

Out of the corner of my eye ... I noticed a couple sitting in their car ... watching the comedy/horror movie that was playing out right before them.  If they would of had time to pop some popcorn ... I am pretty sure they would have.  I am also pretty sure they were debating on calling 911.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

Suddenly I see tramatized little Harleigh come to the front seat.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*


I start frantically pointing and screaming "HIT THE UNLOCK BUTTON"!!!

She just keeps shrugging her shoulders.

*BEEP*


*BEEP*


*BEEP*

I mumble some more cuss words.

She shruggs her shoulders some more.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*


I start to hit the window begging her to HIT THE UNLOCK BUTTON!!!


FINALLY ... what seems like 4 hours of this STUPID car alarm going off ... she hits the unlock button.

I bust my way into the car ... turn off the panic button ... start the car ... and PEEL OUT of the Old Navy parking lot before the cops show up and take me away.  All the while I am trying to console 3 tramatized children from having to have see a therapist when they are grown up due to this ordeal I just put us in.

*sigh*

And yes ... I drank a bottle of wine that night.

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Time to take the dog for a walk ...

Every day when Harleigh comes home from school ...

It is her job to take her dog, Lucy, for a walk.

Last Friday ... she was taking a little bit longer than normal ...

So I went to go and check on her.

This is what I found ...

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Time to get my clean on ...

If you are reading this ... then that means you survived summer vacation and are back in the full swing of things ... and in a school routine!

*high five*

I was not sure we were gonna make it a few times this past summer.  It was hit or miss every now and then.  I am pretty sure we even flat lined once or twice.

BUT ... we got through the summer break ... and the yellow bus pulled away with the little inmates waving frantically at us as we stood on the sidewalk with big smiles going across our face ... a few weeks ago.

*pat on back*

Now that my children are back in school ... it is go time for me!

Time to get my clean on.

That means I have exactly 8 hours to get my house sparkling clean, smelling pinesol fresh and bleach the shit out of the place.

Handprints ... gone!!!

Stains on carpet ... kind of gone!!!

Sticky stuff spilled on kitchen floor ... gone!!!

Toothpaste streaks in bathroom sink ... gone!!!

Pee all over the toilet ... and bathroom wall ... GONE!!!
Yes ... you read right.  Pee on the bathroom WALL!!!  I have NO idea how it happened ... but it did.  I am chalking it up to a learning experience for the little guy.

Quiet time while I ate lunch ... YOU BETCH YA!!!

Random crayons in random spots through out the house ... gone!!!

Closets organized ... done!!!!

Kids dresser drawers cleaned out ... kind of!!!
Not sure how we have 18 pairs of mix matched socks.  No. Flippin. Clue.

Kitty litter changed ... I will wait for Clint on that one!!!

Everything dusted ... done!!!

Bookshelf organized ... done!!!

Behind the frig and stove cleaned ... again ... I will wait for Clint on this one.

Pantry organized with all the lables facing forward and in a straight in ... this was already done.
Yes ... I am pretty sure I am OCD.

Koolaid wiped up that got spilt in the frig during the first week of summer vacation ... gone!!!

Couches cleaned ... done!!!
And I am 75 cents richer!!!

DONE!!!  I got it all done!!!  With 45 minutes to spare.  Now all I have to do ... is manage to keep it clean when the 3 little minions come barrelling through the house like a freaking EF-5 tornado.

Mmmmm ... how can I get my point across that I really enjoy the house smelling like Mr. Clean and not fruitchews with a hint of mud and a dash of koolaid????

Hazmat suits seem to be the only logically solution to keeping my house spotless when the children are in it.  So ... until I figure out how to get my hands on 5 of them ... this is how I decided to keep the house clean in the mean time.

It seems pretty logical to me?!?!

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Worldless Wednesday ... Life According to a Bitchy Cat

Another reason the family pet dislikes us ...

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Football season is upon us ...

Every year since we moved to Eudora ...

Clint has gone to opening game day for KU football.

Every.

Single.

Year.

I went a time or two ...

Just to do my part of "the good wife" ... then when I realized he was not going anywhere ... and he loved me unconditionally ... so I stopped going.

And ... I started sending the kiddos with him.

This was a win win situation for me.

I got out of going to the football game ... and Clint could not get slobbery dunk because he had the kiddos with him.

Normally ... he takes Eythen and Breeanna with him.

Me and Harleigh (who dislikes football as much as I do) ... enjoy an afternoon of non-football activities.  One year we went to the movies.  Another year we went shopping for the afternoon.  Last year we layed in bed and watched a movie while eating ice cream.

This year was kind of different though.

My Mom invited the kiddos down to visit her for Memorial Day weekend ... and my sister had given Clint 4 tickets to the opening game.

So ... Clint left it up to the kids on what they wanted to do.

Decisions ...

Decisions ...

Decisions ...

Harleigh was a no-brainer.  She was loading up and heading to Grammy and Papa's for the weekend before Clint could even finish asking the question.

Eythen informed us that "he really liked those two people (meaning my Mom and Dad) and wanted to go to their house".

Breeanna asked if she stayed and went to the football game ... could she have a friend sleep over since her brother and sister would not be here.

Sure!

Sounds like a good deal to me.

Except ... "a friend" ended up being SEVEN 10 year old litte girls ... who stayed up till WELL past 3 am.

*yawn*

So ... while Eythen and Harleigh were enjoying some Grammy and Papa time.  Breeanna and Clint headed off to their annual KU football game.


Incase you did the Math ... then you realized that I was all by myself during the KU football game time frame this year.  No need to feel sorry for me though!!!  I enjoyed some LifeTime movies that I had DVR'ed MONTHS ago and could never seem to find the time to watch one of them.  OH ... and I also enjoyed the peace and quiet ... with a glass of wine ... or two ... or perhaps the whole bottle.

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The day that changed the world forever ...

9/11 ...

It is a date that no one will ever forget.

Each and every one of us will remember the exact place we were when we heard what happened.

Each and every one of us have emotions that run through our very core when we relive that very moment.

Some of us lost someone ...

Some of us experienced the devastation ... first hand ... that tore through our country ...

But one thing is for sure ...

All of our lives changed at that very moment ...

Forever.

As nieve as it sounds ... up until 9-11 happened ... 10 years ago.  My world was still peaches and cream.  My world was still crayons and rainbows.  My world did not really realize that such evil and hatred existed out there.  To me ... there were no terrorist.  There were no people out there that wanted to kill a whole country.  To me ... someone "bad" was someone that sold drugs ... or kidnapped little children ... or low lifes that beat their wives.  That was the "bad people" in my eyes.

Then ... on 9-11-01 ... my world ... my kids world ... my Nation changed ... in a blink of an eye.

I had just given birth to my first born about two months prior to 9-11 ... and suddenly I was responsible for this little creation that God had given me.  I was suspose to take care of her ... and protect her from the "bad people" in this world.  I was suspose to make her feel safe ... then suddenly ... as I layed in our king sized bed ... with her cuddled up next to me ... as we layed their watching Seasme Street ... Clint called ... and "bad people" took on a whole new meaning to me.

I remember the paniced tone in Clint's voice as he asked me if I had heard what had happened.  I remember staring down at Breeanna suddenly ... wondering how I was still suspose to protect her ... when our Nation was under attack.  I remember scrambling for the TV remote ... and franticially changing the station.  Suddenly ... Bert and Ernie on Seasme Street seemed like it was the only safe place to be.  Every station I flipped to had the Twin Towers on it ... with smoke filling the sky.  Each station that I kept turning to ... made me cry that much harder.  Every paniced interview that I watched ... made me squeeze Breeanna that much tighter.

I did not know what to do.

Panic took over me.

All I could do was cry.

Cry ... hystrically.

Cry ... like I have never cried before.

All I wanted was for Clint to come home and hold Breeanna and I ... and tell us that everything was gonna be ok.

I wanted to be able to believe him ... that everything was gonna be ok.

But was it all gonna be ok?!?!?!

Suddenly ... my lollipops and sunshine world ... was no more.

And it would never be that way again ...

Ever.

Suddenly ... all of these brave soldiers would be loading up ... leaving their loved ones ... and going over seas ... to protect me and my loved ones.  They were going to battle ... and no one was certain of the outcome to any of it.

These amazing people were putting their lives on the line ... to defend the honor of the United States.  They did not have to ... but they did it without a second thought.

How are we even suspose to thank these unbelievable men and women that stood up ... to protect us???  And our children???  And our country???  So many of them have lost theirs lives ... fighting for our country's freedom.  So many of them have given up so much ... just for little 'ol me (and you ... and you ... and you) to be able to walk down the street safely.

Each and every one of them are HERO's in my eyes.

Every.

Single.

One.

Of.

Them.

Every year when 9-11 rolls around ... I will always be taken back to that exact moment of fear and panic that I experienced on that day.  I will always reflect back on those that have lost their lives ... and their loved ones that were left behind.  I will always thank my lucky stars for the brave soldiers that went over and fought for our freedom.

One thing is for sure ... 9-11 made me realize that I am truely blessed.  Not only to I live in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave ... but I have 3 amazing children, a husband that loves me unconditionally and a family that would go to the end of the world and back for me.

God Bless America.

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*jumping up and down from excitement* ...

Brace yourself ...

You better sit down for this ...

I have some really exciting news!!!

Heard on the Playground just emailed me saying that some of my blog post about the kiddos was gonna be published in a book.

YES ... PUBLISHED!!!

They first invited me to send some of my blog post over to them to publish on their website ...

So I did.

Then they asked me to submit some more ...

So I did.

I checked back often to see if any of the post were even actually being chosen to go on their website ...

And they were.

Then today ...

I got an email with the title of: Including Your Blog in Published Book???

At first I almost did not even bother to open up the email.  I honestly just thought it was someone trying to sell me something or get me to let them advertise on my blog.  But ... I decided to open it up anyways.

Good thing I did!!!

Here is some of what I read in my email ...

Heard on the Playground has selected a limited number of contributing Mommy and Daddy Bloggers to be featured in our book of funny kid stories and illustrations due out in mid-October.

This book will be distributed on Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com, Kindle and in various children's boutiques, gift stores and retail outlets. Your blog was selected due to your talented writing and interesting content. We will list your site and a short description at the end of our book.

Can you believe it?!?!?

Me neither!!!

All I can say is ... it is moments like this that I am glad I have so many "What the F*&# moments" in my life.

All the choas.

All the moments I laugh so hard I pee my pants just slighty.

All the times I think to myself "Did my child just seriousy say that sh*#?!?!?!

All the moments that make my family one barrell full of crazy.

Don't forget to vote for my blog.  It would REALLY make my day if you would take a moment to click on the link below to vote for my blog.  Pretty please?!?!?!

Flowers work everytime ...

‎18 beautiful roses ... hand delivered by my amazing husband.

This can only mean one or two things

1.  He is preparing me in advance ... for the lack of attention I am about to endure during the long football season that we are about to enter.

2.  They were on sale at the grocery store and he got sick of me circling the add in the newspaper every week.


Don't forget to vote for my blog!

Stupid Tylenol PM ...

* Take Tylenol PM at 8:30 in hopes of falling asleep and declaring my "territory" in our bed before my husband does

* Crawl into bed at 10:30

* Husband crawls into bed at 11:00

* Still wake at 11:00 when husband crawls into bed

* Husband gives me good night kiss

* Wondering why the Tylenol PM has not kicked in yet

* Realizing that if I do not fall asleep in the next 15 minutes ... I will be listening to my husband saw logs

* To late

* Husband sawing logs

* Still awake at 11:30

* Husband still sawing logs

* Slightly shove husband in hopes of getting him to stop snoring

* Husbands body does not even move

* Snoring gets louder

* Wondering why this darn Tylenol PM is STILL not working

* Husband snoring gets louder

* Shove husband a bit harder than the last time in hopes of getting him  to stop snoring

* Husbands body moves more than I expected it to

* CRAP!  I hope he does not fall off the bed from that shove

* Husband stops snoring

* Husband starts snoring again

* STUPID Tylenol PM makers

* Debate with myself on getting up and emailing Tylenol PM to tell them off

* 12:00 and husband is snoring so loud I think the pictures on the wall just shook

* Shove husband even harder than the last time in hopes of getting him to stop snoring

* Husbands body nearly rolls completely over from the shove

* Secretly hoping he falls off the bed

* Does not phase husband

* Husband is still snoring

* F^#$ing Tylenol PM

* Scream husbands name a bit louder than I planned on

* Husband mumbles "What?"

* Pretend like I am asleep

* Husband is snoring ... again

* 12:30 I am thinking of sueing Tylenol PM

* Wait ... here that?!?!?

* Husband stopped snoring

* Relieved husband stopped snoring because I really did not wanna have to put a pillow over his face

* Snuggle into a comfy spot in my bed

* Crap!  I do not wanna lay this way.  I wanna roll over.

* Husband still not snoring

* Roll over ever so carefully in hopes of not waking the bear

* Bad things happen if you wake the bear

* Shit!  I woke the bear

* Husband is sawing logs ... again

* Certain I took the only two Tylenol PM's in the bottle that do not work

Blogging 101 ...

Blogging has really taken over the world.  It truely has.  Everyone shares there business with everyone else out in cyber world. 

Shoot ... my little 'ol blog has some loyal readers in Canada and Japan.

Admit it ... I just went up a couple of cool points in your book!

Word!

Now ... I am by NO MEANS a professional Mommy blogger.

My punctuation ... language ... sense of humor ... run on sentences ... mispelled words ... would make any English teacher cringe ... and truely prevent me from taking over the blogging world.

But ... My blog is listed on Top Mommy Blogs and ...

Picket Fence Blogs ..

Go ahead and click on those websites above and vote for me.  Go ahead!  I'll wait!  I promise I will be right here when you get back ...

Anyways ... there are all of these Blogging Bootcamps, Seminars, Conventions, Online articles and a ba-zillion other things people can attend when it comes to helping you out in the "Blogging World".

I recently had some education of my own on the whole Blogging phenoninon ... and learned a butt load (is butt load a word???) of things that will help me promote my blog and attract more readers.  I was also informed of ways to have search engines pull up my blog post ... which in turn ... will get followers.

You know ... kind of like a pimp for your blog.

Except I am not putting out for cash.

Here are some of the things I have recently learned .

1.  Always update your blog!
Crap!  I have had a problem with that lately.

2.  Spell check helps.
Obviously I have not taken this piece of advice to heart yet.

3.  Use a list as much as you can.
SCORE!  I nailed that one in this blog!

4.  Always have a catch-ey title and use numbers if possible.
Come on now ... when you are standing in line at the grocery store ... your eyes go straight to the Cosmo magazine that says "10 ways to blow your mans mind in the bedroom".  EVERYONE wants to read that article.  It has a "catching title" and is "using numbers".

So I think I need to change the title of this blog post ...

4 or 5 or 10 things I have discovered about blogging ...

5.  Be funny and interesting!
BONUS!  In my life ... something intersting AND funny is ALWAYS happening!  I got this blogging world in the palm of my hands!

Better change this blog title again ...
4 or 5 or 10 FUNNY things I have discovered about blogging ...

6.  Talk about anything and everything.  People wanna hear your dirty little secrets.
Not so sure my husband Clint will go for this one.  Just sayin ...

7.  Always update your blog background.
*sigh*  Do you have ANY idea how long it takes for me to change the background of my blog?!?!?!  ESPECIALLY if I redo it ... and THEN decide I do not like it.  *sigh*

8.  Define your brand as a blogger.
Does chaotic count as a brand???

9. I need to focus on my SEO ... Search Engine Optimization.
Now I am FAR from computer savey.  In fact ... I am pretty sure that my 8 year old knows more about computers than I do.  BUT ... from what I gather ... the more you add frequently searched words and phrases ... the more your blog will pull up on the search engines.  In other words ... if someone types in "boobs" ... and I randomly put the word "boobs" in my blog post ... that reader could possible stumble upon my blog ... and become a loyal reader.

Is that how you go to my blog?!?!?!?


Yes ... you over there with the beer in your hand.

Did you type in "boobs"?!?!?!

BUSTED!!!

OH!!!  And I also read that you should put those words in bold letters.


So ... basically I just need to add words like ...
1.  Sex
2.  Boobs
3.  Kim Kardashian gets married
4.  Beer
5.  Sports
6.  Politics
7.  News
8   Flat Abs
9.  Loose inches
10. Blow jobs

Better change the title to this blog post again ...
4 or 5 or 10 FUNNY things I have discovered about politics while watching the news while having sex in attempt to loose 15 pounds in 2 days to get the flat abs that I want because I drank too much beer while watching sports and blogging ...

Now THAT is one CATCHY blog title!!!

Surely google will pull up this blog post when someone starts to search tonight!!!

10.  If all else fails ... bribe and beg people to read your blog.
Don't mind if I do!!!

You all come back now ... Ya hear!!!

Pretty please ... with sugar on top?!?!?

Oh!!!  Don't forget to click on the cute little link below.  One click is all it takes to vote for my blog.  Do I need to bride you???  What about begging???

Life According to a Bitchy Cat ...

She's back!!!


The cat chronicles have returned for another blog posting!!!